Other girls have a 'type' I honestly haven't had alot of relationships so I wouldn't say I have a type. Although, If I had to describe my perfect guy it would be Calum Hood from the band '5 seconds of Summer' (if you don't know who they are I suggest you go and check them out! they're music is incredible, their accents are to die for, and well all 4 of them are gorgeous!)
Anyway as I was saying, Crushes. I'm nearly 18 and not in a relationship, some of my friends ask why not? Others are in the same boat as me. I was never the cutest girl in school so I had ALOT of insecurities, which I still have today, but I've grown to accept that.
I'm a little different but that's alot better than being a sheep and following the crowd. But I am still oblivious to the whole 'dating' thing! (I'm sure I'm not alone in this).
What do I say to him?!
do I say anything at all?!
should I ignore this feeling incase he laughs?!
do I risk it and just blurt it out?!
all these questions! What do I do?
I need major help, I've never felt this before, if you are in the same boat as me please comment what you would do or if you have any advice I'd love to hear it. Thank You!
Figured I should comment, since it's this sort of stuff I tend to write about.
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't worry about not being in a relationship. I know it's hard when people ask you things like that. I find the best response is to say that you're just waiting for something worthwhile, and you don't want to be in a relationship just to have someone around.
Insecurities are always a problem for everyone. It's rare for people to ever really overcome them on every level. Though you might be surprised to hear that a lot of girls who are 'the prettiest' are actually the most insecure. A lot of them base their value as a person too much on their looks, and much of being attractive is the work you put into it.
So there's the girls who are very pretty because they are so afraid of not looking their best, that they're willing to put in all that effort. Waking up at 5 am to do a beauty routine, never eating sweets just to keep off a few pounds, tirelessly exercising just to make sure they look good. It's not the healthiest of things, but it's far from the worst.
The only way to really deal with insecurity is to learn to be ok with being vulnerable. Even to the point of finding some beauty in the fact that you are vulnerable. I don't mean parading your insecurities out in front of people, but understanding that everyone has them, and not minding when people bring them up.
It's kind of like the adage, 'don't feed the trolls'. If someone mentions it, say yeah, I do want to be in a relationship, but I want more to be with someone I'm really interested in. People tend to admire things like that, if you respond with strength in regard to an insecurity.
More to the point of trying to be helpful. The best thing to do to get a guy to like you is ignore him. Well, not in the sense of 'pretending he's not there' or avoiding him. That doesn't work. What you have to do is just not go out of your way to interact with him, say hi if you're at the same table or whatever. But then immediately go on to talking to your friends.
This works off a major part of our psychology where marginal things are more valuable than ones which are certain. So a guy is more interested in a girl who is a 'maybe' than one who is a yes. Our brain interprets the maybe as more valuable, because she must have something more since she is less interested.
That's how it works for dating. Still, guys in highschool, and even later can be kind of oblivious to things. He might not know if you like him at all. If he looks at you from across the room, look up and smile, then get back to back to whatever you were doing. If your interest in him comes up, then act like it's only just a little thing.
Say, something jokingly demeaning. Were he to say, 'So I hear you like me' a good response would be something along the lines of 'Eh, yeah you're a little cute I guess. Well, you're not ugly.' Act uninterested as much as you can, so go back to what you were doing when he came up to you, rather than making some excuse and running away.
Have to do two posts.... word count limit.....
One thing I do know, you shouldn't ever be afraid of something that makes you happy because you might be embarrassed. There is much more life in these chances to be bold than anywhere else. People say not to live with regret, and it isn't that, but if you're willing to take just a little leap every so often you'll get farther than you would ever imagine.
ReplyDeleteSo on that thought, there is an alternative if you want to be more direct. It's easier in a way, because it works out much faster. It will even build a lot of self confidence if you do it right, even if he isn't interested (he won't laugh).
One day walk up to him, with every ounce of confidence you can muster, standing tall and securely. Say directly, 'Hey, I'm interested in you. I think we should go out, what do you think?'
If he says no, then just say, 'your loss' and walk away with the same confidence.
This works well with guys, they really like direct statements of intention when it comes to girls. Maybe we're just bad at dealing with sorting out mixed messages.
There are other little things you could do to boost your chances. Wearing red is one of them. Then there's posture and a slight upwardly held chin.
Being confident really builds respect among other people. More than anything else. To be courageous it doesn't require a lack of fear, but the strength of character to charge into something like this in spite of possibility you won't win.
Also, when you do love someone there isn't any doubt. A lot of people spend relationships wondering if they really love someone, but this almost certainly means that they don't. When you do feel love, you know it for sure.
Best of luck, I hope you find what you're looking for.
ou sir, are genius! I shall try these tips! If they work well then I am asking you for every bit of advice! :D thank you!!x
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